I wasnt expecting this years fast to be just like last years, but I feel like it hasnt been nearly as fulfilling as last years or even as fulfilling as it should be. Its not that Im not learning new things coming closer to God or feeling more at peace, I guess I was just excpecting answers to some pressing questions by now. I realize that sounds rediculous because I only started fasting luch yesterday but I not only feel like my questions arent getting I anwsered I also feel like more questions are being added! Its not like I feel far from Him or like He isnt there helping me I feel like Hes not giving me answers on perpose! I know there is a reason why he seems to be doing that and that its whats right for me but why is it?
Today Matthew 21:20-22 is what spoke to me:
“They marveled and said, “look how quickly the fig tree has withered away!” and Jesus replied saying, “Surely I promise you that if you believe I will answer your prayer and will not doubt me that not only will you do what I did to this fig tree but you will speak to mountains and they will move! Even cast themselves into the sea! And when you pray and believe I will give it to you you will recieve whatever you ask me for.”
This has always been hard for me to believe! I want these things to happen, I want to believe so much that I can pray and BIG things will happen. I know Jesus loves me and can do these things, but maybe I dont really believe that because when I pray for something big or crazy I dont really think it will happen. I prepare myself for the case in which it doesnt happen! I know the verse “All things are possible in Christ” But how do I make it real to me?
Maybe thats what Jesus is drawing me towards during this fast. Maybe hes adding questions to me or simply not answering the ones I have so that I will have no answers in myself and will have to fully trust him!
I know that sounds mean, but He isnt forcing me anywhere he is simply showing me how inferior my way of figuring out things and doing things really is.
I want his knowledge, I just need to trust him with everything I am!
(Power thought: Do you have something in your life that you want to change? What biblical course can you set to start that process?)
Thanks for reading!