Memory…

Im so sad to have to be writting this and Im so sorry you have to read it, but I have to tell you. Its not fair for you to think that Rinny got better when he didnt.

I was taking care of him the night before valintines day. During the day I had noticed he had been in his water dish alot which I figured was good because it would help him clear everything out. I went to take him out and bath him feed him ect and he was kind of stiff. I felt the water and it was kind of cool so I took some nice warm water and dabbed him with it slowly, thinking he must have become to cold and was to weak to move out of the dish. I dabbed him until he seemed to be more alert but he was still very very stiff. Only moving alittle. I put him back in his tank under his heat lamp still thinking it may just be that he got to cold. It wasnt. After de dried he had become warm again. I didnt understand why he was still so very stiff and not moving hardly at all. Then it hit me. He was dying. I went into the other room and tried to calmly tell my parents what I had just done and noticed, adding at the end that I thought he may be dying. My mom and dad encouraged me and my mom followed me back over to the cage. He was still laying in the same position as before and his breathing was laboured. I told my mom and dad that I didnt want to go to bed til he moved again. My mom said that was fine. We read some bible verses concerning trusting God and prayer. Then we prayed in the spirit and in our own way. I laid my hand on the cage with tears in my eyes. I was scared but I was continuing to try and refuse the thoughts of fear and worry the evil one was selling me. Then he got up and moved! Stiffly but he did move. He walked into his hide and we could no longer see him but my mom could still see his flicking tail. That was encouraging and worrisome all at the same time. We kept praying and I kept my hand on the cage. Then I felt joy shoot through me. I could just see him fat and happy and well in my head. Being silly and funny and smiling again. We both felt better and my mom suggested that we take a picture of him before I go to bed so we could document his healing through the days to follow. I agreed, smiling. But when I lifted his hide to take the picture he was grey and still. Dead. I nearly shrieked. I colapsed crying. My dad mom and brother came in and looked at him closer. He was dead. He died in the midst of our praying for him and I didnt understand! I dont fully understand now either but God knows what is best and I learned alot, not just about geckos and their care but about the God that loves me and how to trust him. I believe my vision that I had of him well was the moment when he died. God was showing me that he wasnt hurting anymore. Showing me the good times I (my whole family) had with him for the year that he was ours. Its sad and we all wish it didnt end this way but it did. And we are okay. Ive learned so much through this. God loves always. God never fails. God always answers our prayers. Prayer is powerful. Prayer is always right. Nothing is to small for God to care about it. Trust breeds results. Good ones! I will not be set back by one prayer that didnt  get answered the way I thought it would! God knows the best path. God knows even the best pet. No. I am not saying God killed him. I am saying that good will come of the pain it caused me. Good has already come of it. I know more. About God, about trust. I will always trust him even when things seem to be out of control because he is always in control. Not a sparrow falls without his notice and not a girl cries without his arms around her. Prayer works. Prayer calms. Dont stop believe. Dont you ever stop.

Love Deanna ❤

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