This is Not a Bad Captivity.

Today at church my pastor said something that really struck home with me and my current fight in life. He said, “At the base of everything else there can be only one sin that creates not only a war between yourself and those around you, but a war within your own soul. It is this: you lust after and desire something so much that you would fight to the ends of the earth to get it. You would even go so far as to fight God.”

I realized earlier in the month that I had been fighting very hard for a man that I have loved for more than four years. I discovered that even though my love for him may have been a beautiful, pure love that there was a such thing as loving him to much.

There were times that I actually did fight with God over why we weren’t together and whether or not I should tell him about my feelings, but typically my idolatry – for idolatry it was – took the form of thinking about him too much and having that yearning that darkened even good days.

Ever since I realized that I decided that my continuing to live that way was not only wrong, but that it was hurting me and holding me back from the great life I could be having as a single. I knew God didn’t have me single for no reason. I knew that I had a purpose in my years as a single that I could chase with a Christ-like passion, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I kept feeling like I had a dream and I was trapped, unable to get to it.

Then on May  18th my pastor’s wife said,  “Being single is not a disease that you one day over come. Being single is not a cage that you someday escape.”

In my spirit I heard something that God had been saying to me for weeks now. He said, “This is not a bad captivity.”

It was in Jeremiah 29 that I first had this revelation from God. Jeremiah 29 is a letter written to those that God sent into captivity in Babylon.

He starts straight away by saying I am here with you in this time and I know where you are. I want you to build houses here. Rest here and bare fruit here. Be content and rest. Increase and grow even in captivity. Be like the Israelites. They grew even greater than their enemies. Seek the peace of your captivity because I have caught you there. Pray for My peace because in this captivity there is safety and peace.

Do not listen to the people around you who tell you this is a bad place or tell you things that make you dissatisfied. Do not listen to your heart and your dreams because when you are in a place your flesh does not like they will deceive you even if the place is good for your spirit and for the world. Don’t let yourself be tricked. Rest in this captivity.

After a time – a certain time that I know and that will not change – I will bring you out of this captivity and you can go where your heart feels at home. I have good plans for you and this time of captivity is part of it. This is for your good and will not harm you. This is to give you the future I have planned and to fill you with unending hope should trials come when you leave the captivity. Know this and you will call me. I will hear you. You will seek me because you know with head knowledge that I love you. You will seek to really know my love and you will find that you do know it. That in fact you know it better than ever before. If it weren’t for this captivity in my arms you never would have had the time to seek me in that way.

You will find me and I will free you. There are people out there who refuse to be taken captive by me and will not look for me. Because of this – and because they tempt you to do the same – they will find themselves unprotected, restless and full of troubles. Their ways are not my ways. Even in hardship you are safe because you live in the place I tell you to. I can keep you from getting sick if you live in the city I tell you to live in. I know which cities will be struck with disease and which will not and so why would you try to live in the place you think best? My instructions to go here or not go there are to protect you. If you do not listen what else can I do?

Listen to my voice. It is your peace in this captivity. You are held captive by me, but not by force. Find joy in the fact that I want you safe and so close. I know what you have done in the past and I know where you are. I am witness to your tears and have whitened all your wrongs.

Let me take you captive. Do not think that you know everything. No man should think higher than he ought. You are not a prophet. You do not know the future or even really know who you are. Take comfort. I know who you are. I know the path. I planned the path. Trust me all the way. Everything is for your good.

For this purpose you will be here for awhile: build a house, take a break, bare fruit by knowing me. I just want you to take time to know me. This is not a bad captivity.

I accepted those verses completely and I was seeking and searching trying to understand Gods purpose for me here. I was asking him, “What house do I build? What fruit do I bare?”, but most of all I was asking, “How do I rest in complete peace and contentment?”

I was trusting. I was growing. I was slowly letting go in my thoughts and my emotions, but there were many times – days even – when I was not content. I felt a pit in the center of my heart and no matter how much I prayed or wrote or worked it would not leave me.

Last night while I cried myself to sleep God said, “Deanna. It is so so easy for you to think of things to do to fill the void for a time, but I am trying to make you a dwelling place.”

I racked my brain to think of what that could mean. I thought of a bunch of different places I could dwell and grow and learn, but none of them held a passion or an excitement to move for my Savior. He wanted me to find a work that was deeper than writing or helping or dreaming. He wanted to show me that even though I was not a married woman that I had a place and I could live my dream.

God made me exactly who I am for exactly where I am right now.

I have discovered that life is all about the right now.

I don’t have to wait to use my talents.
I don’t have to wait to find joy, peace, contentment and fulfillment in my life.
I don’t have to wait to live my dreams.

Today in service they were taking questions through text and this is what I said,
“I have wanted to be married my whole life. Over the last four years I have prayed about it intensely and really grown in my beliefs concerning family and marriage. I know that God’s plan is the best plan. I recently turned 18 and had this fantasy that I would have a boyfriend for my birthday lol and be on my way to my life long dream of being a wife and mother. That obviously hasn’t happened. My question is how does a single whose dream is to raise a family find contentment and purpose in being single and stop being unhappy wishing for what they do not have?”

I asked that question feeling empty and lost.

I left service today feeling not only full, but empowered to live my life!

She said, “There are children all over the world who are helpless and abandoned. They would love to have a mother like you!”

I realized in that moment that while I may not be a physical mother to anyone yet that I am (and have the potential to be) a spiritual mom to many, many young men and women. I have my siblings, the darling babies in the nursery, the wild kids of promise park, and those coming up behind me in yx.

I have a place in the family of God.

God gave me the gift to encourage, nurture, listen, pray and love fiercely not just so I could one day be a mother and a wife. He gave me those gifts to bless everyone that walks into my world. God has given me the grace to raise up young men and women for him – right now.

My encouragement to you is this:

You don’t have to wait for a certain season of your life to bare fruit. Step out, realize the Grace and Power of God in your life and bare fruit even when the world calls you a captive.

We are in the world, but not of it.

The world and what it deems to be “normal” is not of any importance to us.

You purpose in life is to use your gifts to glorify your Father in Heaven and you can do that in an earth shattering, opinion destroying, life altering way when you do it with God.

There is a time to live and a time to die.

There is a time to be single and a time to be married.

Stop waiting and live while you still have the chance.

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Wait On The Lord.

God is so amazing!

He has been teaching me a great deal about patience lately and was just reading over notes I had on a Joyce Meyer message from the first time he asked me to explore and live in patience with Him. The main verse was proverbs 3:5-7 which begins by saying,

“Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your paths.”

Today I read alittle bit farther – up to verse 10 which states the results if we trust and acknowledge God wherever we are and whatever we are waiting for today,

“Your barns will be filled with plenty and your vats will overflow with new wine.”!!!

God is saying that the area of our lives we want to hold so tight to, that area we pray about, worry about and think about CONSTANTLY can become prosperous, glorious and more than we ever dreamed if we will just trust Him and let HIM do the work in it. We dont have to know all the answers or try to do everything ourselves. Our purpose is simply to love and know God. Just seek him and you cannot possibly miss the path. He will be like a pillar of cloud to you in the day time and like a pillar of fire and light to you in the night times when you tend to fear most. God is a God of miracles and when the time is the most ripe for harvest you will see a harvest full of His glory and His grace!

Seek.

Find.

And see the mighty hand of your God.

Love,

Deanna ❤

Waiting…

Waiting Takes a depth of soul and depth of love that’s rare – that’s special. Many claim love as a refusal to let go, but love is more so the ability to say, with Jason Mraz, “If you’re needing your space to do some navigating I’ll be here patiently waiting to see what you find”. Love is realizing that no matter how much you want to be there to help that person some journeys need to be taken alone: in a thoughtful, peaceful silence. Sometimes people need to sort through their heart themselves before they give it to someone who loves them.

And other times love  – the kind Jesus Himself came to give us – is realizing (and accepting) the fact that the one person you care so much for, the one person you want nothing more than to encourage, love and hold will never feel the same way you do…

More often than not sacrificial love is the willingness and, dare I say, the desire to let them choose their own way. Indeed love is trusting God enough to let Him care for them as you let them float away.

Love, Deanna. ❤

James Chapter One and The Timing Non-Issue.

Read all of James chapter one. Yeah right now. That’s it: go. Go grab up your bible. Open it up to James chapter one and read. Im serious don’t continue on if you haven’t read it yet. Its important.

In James chapter one God has many things He wants to communicate and your general impression of the chapter will be different than anybody elses because your personality, your relationship with God and your life circumstances are different than anybody elses.

BUT this morning God is trying to say something very specific to all of us: TRUST ME.

This is what God said to me this morning as I read it.

“Simply trust me. When you trust me you will have patience and joy in waiting for the vision I have given you. You will be able to joyfully wait for your being able to say that you have reached the place of being, “Perfect and entire, lacking nothing.” Then I say if you have no vision, or you cannot recall it ask me about it. BUT don’t fret over receiving an instant answer. Please stop fretting over the doing of it. That is the opposite of faith, that is the opposite of what will bring it about. Just rejoice because I DO IT. Please endure in patience and joy until the day it comes – because it will come. “What I say I will do and what I proclaim I will bring to pass.” – paraphrase of a verse in Isaiah 46. Don’t let lust cause you to grab up my promise or my vision before its time. That will only result in sin and death. WAIT ON ME. I WILL give you what I promised. Hear Me. But don’t go around yelling and frenzied to complete it. You don’t have to rush it. Don’t get angry if it doesn’t come right away or when you planned it to. Don’t get mad if you grow into it slowly. Simply receive what I have said and trust me in it. TRUST ME in both the doing and the getting you there. Obey me in every part of your life. Look in my word and follow me. If you don’t obey nothing can come to you. Without living my way you will never become strong enough in faith to receive it. Learn from me and make your burden easy. Following me is not about what I promise you and when you get it, its not even about how well you hear me speak. NO! Following me is about living like I did and doing all I do. Its about lifting the lost up into the arms of the father. The blessings simply come along the way. Don’t fret over the extras.” -God

Also check out the last couple weeks of the believers voice of victory broadcasts with Jeremy Pearsons. Im sure they will bless you.

Love,

Deanna ❤