This is Not a Bad Captivity.

Today at church my pastor said something that really struck home with me and my current fight in life. He said, “At the base of everything else there can be only one sin that creates not only a war between yourself and those around you, but a war within your own soul. It is this: you lust after and desire something so much that you would fight to the ends of the earth to get it. You would even go so far as to fight God.”

I realized earlier in the month that I had been fighting very hard for a man that I have loved for more than four years. I discovered that even though my love for him may have been a beautiful, pure love that there was a such thing as loving him to much.

There were times that I actually did fight with God over why we weren’t together and whether or not I should tell him about my feelings, but typically my idolatry – for idolatry it was – took the form of thinking about him too much and having that yearning that darkened even good days.

Ever since I realized that I decided that my continuing to live that way was not only wrong, but that it was hurting me and holding me back from the great life I could be having as a single. I knew God didn’t have me single for no reason. I knew that I had a purpose in my years as a single that I could chase with a Christ-like passion, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I kept feeling like I had a dream and I was trapped, unable to get to it.

Then on May  18th my pastor’s wife said,  “Being single is not a disease that you one day over come. Being single is not a cage that you someday escape.”

In my spirit I heard something that God had been saying to me for weeks now. He said, “This is not a bad captivity.”

It was in Jeremiah 29 that I first had this revelation from God. Jeremiah 29 is a letter written to those that God sent into captivity in Babylon.

He starts straight away by saying I am here with you in this time and I know where you are. I want you to build houses here. Rest here and bare fruit here. Be content and rest. Increase and grow even in captivity. Be like the Israelites. They grew even greater than their enemies. Seek the peace of your captivity because I have caught you there. Pray for My peace because in this captivity there is safety and peace.

Do not listen to the people around you who tell you this is a bad place or tell you things that make you dissatisfied. Do not listen to your heart and your dreams because when you are in a place your flesh does not like they will deceive you even if the place is good for your spirit and for the world. Don’t let yourself be tricked. Rest in this captivity.

After a time – a certain time that I know and that will not change – I will bring you out of this captivity and you can go where your heart feels at home. I have good plans for you and this time of captivity is part of it. This is for your good and will not harm you. This is to give you the future I have planned and to fill you with unending hope should trials come when you leave the captivity. Know this and you will call me. I will hear you. You will seek me because you know with head knowledge that I love you. You will seek to really know my love and you will find that you do know it. That in fact you know it better than ever before. If it weren’t for this captivity in my arms you never would have had the time to seek me in that way.

You will find me and I will free you. There are people out there who refuse to be taken captive by me and will not look for me. Because of this – and because they tempt you to do the same – they will find themselves unprotected, restless and full of troubles. Their ways are not my ways. Even in hardship you are safe because you live in the place I tell you to. I can keep you from getting sick if you live in the city I tell you to live in. I know which cities will be struck with disease and which will not and so why would you try to live in the place you think best? My instructions to go here or not go there are to protect you. If you do not listen what else can I do?

Listen to my voice. It is your peace in this captivity. You are held captive by me, but not by force. Find joy in the fact that I want you safe and so close. I know what you have done in the past and I know where you are. I am witness to your tears and have whitened all your wrongs.

Let me take you captive. Do not think that you know everything. No man should think higher than he ought. You are not a prophet. You do not know the future or even really know who you are. Take comfort. I know who you are. I know the path. I planned the path. Trust me all the way. Everything is for your good.

For this purpose you will be here for awhile: build a house, take a break, bare fruit by knowing me. I just want you to take time to know me. This is not a bad captivity.

I accepted those verses completely and I was seeking and searching trying to understand Gods purpose for me here. I was asking him, “What house do I build? What fruit do I bare?”, but most of all I was asking, “How do I rest in complete peace and contentment?”

I was trusting. I was growing. I was slowly letting go in my thoughts and my emotions, but there were many times – days even – when I was not content. I felt a pit in the center of my heart and no matter how much I prayed or wrote or worked it would not leave me.

Last night while I cried myself to sleep God said, “Deanna. It is so so easy for you to think of things to do to fill the void for a time, but I am trying to make you a dwelling place.”

I racked my brain to think of what that could mean. I thought of a bunch of different places I could dwell and grow and learn, but none of them held a passion or an excitement to move for my Savior. He wanted me to find a work that was deeper than writing or helping or dreaming. He wanted to show me that even though I was not a married woman that I had a place and I could live my dream.

God made me exactly who I am for exactly where I am right now.

I have discovered that life is all about the right now.

I don’t have to wait to use my talents.
I don’t have to wait to find joy, peace, contentment and fulfillment in my life.
I don’t have to wait to live my dreams.

Today in service they were taking questions through text and this is what I said,
“I have wanted to be married my whole life. Over the last four years I have prayed about it intensely and really grown in my beliefs concerning family and marriage. I know that God’s plan is the best plan. I recently turned 18 and had this fantasy that I would have a boyfriend for my birthday lol and be on my way to my life long dream of being a wife and mother. That obviously hasn’t happened. My question is how does a single whose dream is to raise a family find contentment and purpose in being single and stop being unhappy wishing for what they do not have?”

I asked that question feeling empty and lost.

I left service today feeling not only full, but empowered to live my life!

She said, “There are children all over the world who are helpless and abandoned. They would love to have a mother like you!”

I realized in that moment that while I may not be a physical mother to anyone yet that I am (and have the potential to be) a spiritual mom to many, many young men and women. I have my siblings, the darling babies in the nursery, the wild kids of promise park, and those coming up behind me in yx.

I have a place in the family of God.

God gave me the gift to encourage, nurture, listen, pray and love fiercely not just so I could one day be a mother and a wife. He gave me those gifts to bless everyone that walks into my world. God has given me the grace to raise up young men and women for him – right now.

My encouragement to you is this:

You don’t have to wait for a certain season of your life to bare fruit. Step out, realize the Grace and Power of God in your life and bare fruit even when the world calls you a captive.

We are in the world, but not of it.

The world and what it deems to be “normal” is not of any importance to us.

You purpose in life is to use your gifts to glorify your Father in Heaven and you can do that in an earth shattering, opinion destroying, life altering way when you do it with God.

There is a time to live and a time to die.

There is a time to be single and a time to be married.

Stop waiting and live while you still have the chance.

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Transparency <3

“How do you begin a story that trapped inside of you – blaringly alive yet trapped all the same?

“How do you bring into words that swirling vortex of thought and emotion that no mortal man can untangle or even begin to understand?

And even if – by some miracle – you could bring out the words in one clear straight line for that one man to hear who says you’ll have the courage to say them aloud or even believe in them yourself?

You’ve waited your whole life for this one man – this one moment – but not in a thousand years would you be prepared enough to even whisper these feelings in a dark room all on you own and yet you must reveal them all or else you’ll burst, broken into a million pieces.

I have found the only outlet for such things is the written page, the supposed fiction that have become our bed-time stories: Fairy tales may not be tales at all.” – from a work in progress.

fairy

Here I am.

It’s the first day of February and I’m wearing this months heart necklace. I sit here in front of the computer screen fingering my purity ring – just thinking.

I have something inside of me that I want to let seep through the cracks, something sweet and nostalgic – a new reflection of something with which I’m familiar – but the reflection is still blurred on one side – this glass still needs cleaned. It’s not yet polished for the world to see, or even those with whom I want to share it the most.

It feels as if God is an author in the midst of a great work. Like he is writing and editing my story. Like he’s tweeking this partiular chapter to perfection. Setting each character in the plot just where they should be and ever developing me into a deeper and deeper person.

So even though I’m ready to shout this from the mountain tops (or at least whisper it aloud in a quiet room); even though I’m ready to take the next step I can hear The Author saying, “Wait. Let me write it, edit it and publish it. This is my project – my masterpiece – and someday you will get to show it to the world, but not yet.” So even though I want to be transparent as a writer should be – as my friend Jayne or Abby or my pastors – I can’t be. Not in this sentence, or this paragraph, maybe not even on this page.

For now I will sit and wait looking into the eyes of The Perfect Author – the one who knows the beginning and end of this tale. For now I will write and write true, though for a while it may be in allegory or abstract design.

For Now I Will Wait.

One Day I sat beside

A wall of climbing flowers

ever reaching toward the sun

all their waking hours.

I wondered, ‘Am I like them?

Making every second a glory

to the maker of this planet?

Do I make the conscious choice

to continually be growing?

or do I fade away as if

He’d never done the sowing?

Do I try to follow

Him in all His ways?

or do I prefer to sit

and think within the shade?’

Life is not all about

everything we think

but rather it is about

what we believe

and where that leads our feet

So that day I chose

not to just sit anymore

to be done with thinking

whats to come next morn

And rather to walk a path

that down which I know

He’s waiting with arms open

and smile all aglow.” ❤ 

Love,

Deanna ❤

 

 

Sometimes Its hard, but we’ve got to keep moving!

Haven’t you ever felt just totally drained? Like you had no more strength left? Like you were totally worn out and beyond any possible amount of help? Like you might as well give up?

Well Joyce Meyer on her Tv show Friday January 18th was speaking on the same subject and this is what she had to say about it, “dont give up… PUSH!”

Thats alittle odd isnt it?

Well not after she placed it in context. She used the verse 1 John 3:9 in amplified version. It states two principles.

1. When you are born again you cannot decide to sin on a regular basis.

“No one born (begotten) of God [delibrately, knowingly and habitually] practices sin…”

Sure we all will continue to mess up and that’s why we’ve got Jesus, but everyday we become more like God. Joyce Meyers put it this way, “I used to habitually pratice sin and every now and then I’d slip up and do right! Now I habitually do right and every now and then I’ll unknowingly slip up and do wrong!… And I believe that a year from now I’ll be doing less wrong than I do now, but still enough wrong that I’ll still need Jesus! Amen?”

Amen! We are freed from the BONDAGE of sin and are IN the GRACE of a God who transforms us more and more the more we know of Him.

2. We have God’s essence growing in us!

“… God’s nature abides in him [His principle of life, the divine sperm, remains permenatly within him];…”

This is where Joyce Meyers call to “PUSH” makes more sense. We all have a spirit within us and when we are born again not just the mirical of salvation occurs, but another mirical as well. GOD PLANTS A SEED OF ALL HE IS INSIDE OF US! That means our spirits are literally pregnant with, love, joy,peace, patience, gentleness, kindness and self control. God’s essence is inside of us waiting to burst forth.

But that – just like a real pregnancy – takes time. It takes time for us to transform, it takes time to nurture the seed. And oftentimes it take sooo long that we feel like nothing is ever going to happen. That’s why we lose faith in God’s promises concerning us and our ways and our lives and become insecure.

But Joyce Meyer and GOD HIMSELF is calling us to keep moving! Keep nuturing the seed by reading the bible and praying and don’t let mistakes discourage you because sometimes when its the hardest, and you feel beyond hope that just means its time to “PUSH” you are about to give birth to the essence of God in your life. You are on the verge of producing fruit that will change the world!

So I will echo the words of Joyce Meyer to myself and you saying, “do not give up, PUSH!”

Love,

Deanna ❤

Ps. Go to http://www.joycemeyer.org/ and click the buttom “broadcasts” to watch the broadcast mentioned in this post and more! 🙂

 

Food for Thought: Dating and Lust.

Often times when one thinks about dating they get either a fluttery, warm feeling of joy or the bitter, heavy feeling of guilt. What makes the difference?

The answers may differ, but one key element for the christian is this word: LUST

(The dictionaries definition of the word Lust is as follows: Intense or unbridled sexual desire or an intense longing [for something that is not yours])

When you enter a dating or even courting relationship because of Lust – or even before you’ve dealt with Lust in your heart – it will create many pitfalls for both you and the person with which you are involved. You will fall to the will of temptation much easier, your thought life will turn rotten with sexual fantasies and shame, and you will definately hurt the other person by making them into an object whose most important use is to make you happy and beyond that – and most seriously – Lust is a sin. You are hurting not only the person you say you love, but the one who always loved you – God!

Hebrews 13:4, Matthew 5:28and 1 Corinthians 6:18.

If you are single I suggest that before entering a relationship that you clean Lust from your heart and fill it back up with the true love of your life: God. He is the only one who will ever truely satisfy you, find your fulness in Him before you look for a man.

If your dating/courting now and Lust isn’t a problem for you start to pray and search your heart. Ask God what you need to do and what you need to work on. It will bless your relationship in the long run if you take some time to do this.

If you’ve found Lust to be a problem in your life and you feel guilty, hurt or sick of yourself then take a break from romance! It couldn’t do anything but help. It is true that it is hard, but you need to let go before you can really change. Once you’ve let go hold tight to God and his word. He will heal you, cleanse you, and strengthen you! Sit in his love and wait for his signal to wave you back to your sweetheart.

Hold God higher than anything else in your heart and you could not be stronger, fuller, or more pure. Make Jesus your everything!

Job 31:1 “I dictated a covenant (an agreement) to my eyes; how then could I look [lustfully] upon a girl[or man]?”

 

 

Dear Readers.

I realize I’ve put up alot of posts this week and they may not have all been entirely relevant to your situation, but I hope you read something that sparked a curiosity for God and His ways. Jesus said for us to “believe like a child” and children get excited and curious!

If you saw anything anywhere this week that brought up a revelation or a question about God I would love to hear it in the comments below before 4pm on Sunday January 13. At that point I will create a post surrounding some of those comments.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Love,

Deanna ❤

God’s Kingdom is YOUR job!

Pastors are called by God for their whole life to be devoted to their own personal flock, but that doesn’t mean they should be the only ones working for the bettering of God’s kingdom. We all have a part to play.

God calls all of us who know him to put “the kindgom first” and to “speak unto all nations”. You may not be called to speak behind a pulpit – not everyone has that talent – but you are called to further God in your daily life.

These days that has become so easy. If you know how to write, begin a blog or write a book. If your into video games or animation, make enjoyable clean videos for people to watch. If your a compassionate person, volunteer or just be a listening ear. It might seem hard at first to find a way to work our spiritual job into our life job, but it’s important to do so.

No matter how old or how young you are you are called to show God in your world!

1 Timothy 4:12-16, “Let no one despise or think less of you because of your youth, but be an example (pattern) for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity. Till I come, devote yourself to [public and private] reading, to exhortation (preaching and personal appeals), and to teaching and instilling doctrine. Do not neglect the gift which is in you, [the special inward endowment] which was directly imparted to you [by the Holy Spirit] by prophetic utterance when the elders laid hands upon you. Practice and cultivate and meditate upon these duties; throw yourself wholly into them [as your ministry], so that your progress may be evident to everybody. Look well to yourself [to your own personality] and to [your] teaching; persevere in these things [hold to them], for by doing so you will save both yourself and those who hear you.”

There is always something you can do to influence those around you, will you influence them for God?

Love,

Deanna

BrokenHearted. </3

Pain. Hurt. Loss.

Words like these happen much to often in a broken world that is try to break a mended people.

We all feel pain, weather it’s physical from a fall or emotional from an experience that left a scar on our heart. We all get hurt when someone we thought we knew turns out to be different than we thought or if we get left in the dust by someone we care about. We all experience loss, weather we had to do the hard thing and let go or it was wrenched away from our grasp.

Those words are common and when I see these things affect those around me it causes a pang in my heart too deep rooted to explain. But it does make me want to reach out so let me try to lift you to a higher place. Let me shine a light of love your way.

You are NOT alone.

You are NOT forgotten.

You will NOT be left desolate.

And more importantly God’s arms are open wide and he is calling you saying, “I love you. I accept you. I’m right here in this muck with you. Lets pick up the peices. Let me lift you up beyond this pain.”

He knows what it feels like – he’s felt it a thousand times over – and he wants to free you from it. All you have to do is let him.

Isaiah 41:10, “Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand.”

That might be harder than it sounds. You might think God hurt you and you need to take the time to relearn his goodness. You might feel unworthy, to dirty to be loved by a pure God and you need to rexperience his undying, agape love for you. You might feel totally helpless and you need to stop and remember He’s in control of it all.

Those things may be in your way, but feeling joy again is possible.

1. Reading the bible will really solidify the truth within your heart, look to it, study it. Even if the promises he speaks seem like lies to you right now keep reading, they are true and you will see it.

Visit this site for some verses to begin with: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/20-encouraging-bible-verses-for-the-brokenhearted/

2. Pray continuously. Pray for joy and peace to enter your heart and pray like it will happen.

3. Cry. Yes cry when you need to. Let go of the shame, the pain and the loss through your tears. Holding in your tears is like holding on to what causes them.

4. Find someone to talk to. Whatever is going on and whatever you think or feel about it isnt so terrible that you cant trust someone with it. Even if you’ve begun to doubt God or even Push him away a godly friend will hold you up when your weak, comfort you when your hurt, love you when you feel unlovable and help bring you back to where you need to be.

Remember these things and don’t ever forget that God is always with you even when you can’t feel it. And his arms will remain open until you let him close them around you.

Psalms 34:18, ” The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

rain hugging      hugging dogs